Stephanie Willa Roller Bruner

Steph, I remember our best road trip ever. You were 18 headed out to California to Nanny for Andy & Marna and I was 15 with a driver's permit and no reason to believe it was a bad idea for a couple of young kids to drive half-way across the country. It was the summer of 1987 and our first time out west of Colorado. I remember seeing my first snow-capped mountain which I believe was somewhere in Wyoming. We approached California and passed right by Lake Tahoe without peaking over to see it's amazing blue waters. Ironically I now have a shared second home only one half mile from the freeway we drove through Truckee. Sadly enough, the place where I saw you last in August.

We arrived in San Mateo and did the typical tourist route where I was that idiot tourist that thought California was warm always and everywhere. I bought the Pier 39 sweatshirt to keep myself warm, but of course in 80's style hot pink. Remember driving across the GG Bridge and we could barely see the tower because of the fog? What about driving through the winding roads of Sausalito for our first time. Isn't it ironic that our primary home is now on those windy roads?

Then we drove down to Santa Cruz after seeing half-moon bay. I remember that drive because I wrote about the beautiful redwood forests in a school paper during my sophomore year. That drive took us right through Boulder Creek where I bought my first house in 1998 so I could work in Silicon Valley. I was so excited to arrive in Santa Cruz because that was the first real "Califronia Beach" that we visited (not to mention the Lost Boys was filmed there).

That trip obviously influenced my dreams and decisions for years to come. All my classmates were looking at local colleges and I was talking with you about how to get schooling in Orange County where you ended up at UC Irvine. You took me in as your roommate and together we enjoyed the best that Southern California has to offer. Your dreams and actions have affected my life so greatly. I haven't always recognized that nor given you credit for all the sacrifices you made to help me become the person I am today. Stephanie I will carry on your adventurous spirit however you decide to guide me to do so. I can't say I believe that you will be talking to me from the afterlife, but all of your influence you had over me during your life will live on in my spirit. Thank you for helping to make me the man I am today, but I don't mind if you always think of me as your little brother.

1985: Sitting in the bus in the middle of the night en route to New York City, Steph and I jammed with our Walkman (that played cassette tapes, for those of you who don't know) to the Animal House Soundtrack: "You make me want to... JUMP!  Kick my heels up and... JUMP..". 
Once in NYC, we two were given tickets further away from the rest of the high school group for the Broadway musical Cats.  We sat near the front on an aisle and several of the "cats" walked right up to us and purred--life changing to experience this magic of music and movement and costume.
(I'll find this picture soon) Steph dancing around the Fame fountain at Lincoln Center, singing "I'm gonna live forever... baby remember my name".... 

(more soon)

A Letter to Stephanie:

Dear Steph,

What an outpouring of love and support for you last night at your memorial. Person after person telling stories of how you made them better and how your love for them was so evident. I started wondering if you know how much we all loved you?

I HOPE YOU DID? I hope you had some small glimmer of understanding on how profoundly you were loved by everyone who knew you.

You are a rockstar! I love you and will look forward to dancing with you in Heaven.

I owe Stephanie for bringing me to San Francisco for the first time as an adult (well, 19). We drove up here for the weekend and she visited the family she was a nanny for a year to get her CA residency before UCI. I fell in love with the City and knew that i wanted to move here after graduation. We took a Blue and Gold ferry ride around SF Bay and it was so foggy you couldn't even see the Golden Gate Bridge. I took a photo of her on that boat which is my favorite photo or her, her with the bridge and a bird flying behind her, her hair flowing in the breeze. It represented her free spirit. I was her roommate freshman year at UCI. There's something so beautiful about creating a deep bond with somebody who is so different and your meeting so arbitrary and random. We had a circle of friends that were all so incredible disparate. I'm not sure how we actually came together but it was hte only time in my life that I ever belonged to a definitive group of friends, who always shared memories and moments for the next 4 years and held onto that group. We lived together again junior year and her brother Aaron came from Minnesota and moved in with us in Newport Beach, in this great place like yards from the boardwalk. He was so happy and excited about everything California, the beach, the sun. Stephanie was different from people i grew up with, non-judgmental, totally not pretentious and positive and strong and independent. i admired her for all of that because i tend to the morose side of life. She believed in me, always told me the truth, always saw through the bullshit, to the good or bad. She was never defined by a man back then yet I knew she would find love but had to find herself first. She worked with Surfrider. She was social, friendly, open to life and new experience. The last time I saw her was when she visited me in San Franciso. I think she had just got back from Alaska and was telling me all about it. I envied her adventurous spirit. I think she had just met Dale then. When I found her on Facebook many years later and saw that she was living in Colorado and saw her life, it made me happy. It seemed to be exactly where she should be and it seemd to make sense for her. i will never forget her. She was a big part of my college life and a real friend to me.

I was a sorority sister of Stephanie, pledges at Gamma Phi Beta at UCI, many moons ago.  I think we were all of 20 or so.... "older" pledges, which is perhaps why I connected with her initially.  One of my most memorable times with Stephanie was after college.  I went off to the Peace Corps. Not many in my life really understood this decision - but Stephanie did, or perhaps it was that she didn't judge it.  She was supportive. After I returned, I got Stephanie together with some friends I worked with at the OC outdoor ed program - I knew they would hit it off. They did. Next thing I knew, Stephanie and her new friend Bill had talked me into taking a job in Alaska!  They were going to live in a cabin, surveying the forests in areas only reachable by float plane. That adventure was so tempting and Stephanie's enthusiasm was infectious.  While I chickened out, Stephanie went for it.  You could not stop her sense of adventure! The pictures they sent me were amazing. I lost touch with her over the years, though she was always in my heart, always my friend.  Late last year I finally made it to Juneau, Alaska - and finally got to see with my own eyes what Stephanie did all those years ago.  I had hoped to reconnect with her after this trip, but the balancing act of my job and family kept me from doing so before it was too late, to my deep regret. 

 

Stephanie, you were a kindred spirit to many.  An angel among us.

 

Rest in peace, dear friend